On therapy.

I met myself at work tonight. It was seriously frightening to me how much of myself I saw in this particular client:

the feelings of discomfort and inadequacy when trying something new and "foreign,"
the second guessing of the self,
the inability to see one's own strengths and worth,
the stress from dealing with other people's problems all day knowing that yours are quietly simmering the background,
the past sacrifice out of love,
the profound and painful loss,
the people pleasing and wanting to "fix" things for everybody,
the fear,
the need for the "one" easy answer from someone else,
the need to run, to escape.

It was uncanny, really. I only met with her for a half an hour, but I feel like I know everything about her. In a way, I feel like I am her.

As drained as I am right now from staying late twice already this week (and knowing that I am going to have worked over 50 hours by Saturday), I feel a small glimmer of relief, perhaps some kind of "catharsis," when reflecting on this short "emergency" session.

I think the discussion we had was therapeutic for both of us. Even though neither of us knew it, I was actually "therapizing" myself just as much as I was her. Sometimes I think God gives me moments like these on purpose to teach me lessons I will only learn by teaching other people.

Curse him for that.

Bless him for that.


Well. I think that's about enough self-disclosure for tonight. Phew. But don't worry. I'll be back for some more "blog therapy" soon.

Peace out.

the scoop on savannah.

Things you might not know about me:

-I cry when I watch Extreme Home Makeover Home Edition.
-I absolutely hate cats.
-I'm secretly addicted to Jerseylicious and The Bad Girls Club.
-I don't want to have a big family, yet I want to adopt and love as many "broken" children from around the world as I can.
-I've always wanted to experience homelessness and living on the streets. I will some day jump on the back of a train and just ride it to wherever it takes me.
-Sometimes I wonder why I never developed an eating disorder.
-As much as I want to settle down and plant my roots, I worry that I will never be happy with what I have and my urge to "run away" will return.
-I once got pulled over for flipping off an undercover cop.
-I often wish I lived back in the time of hunter gatherer societies before everything became so complicated.
-I hate chocolate.
-One day I want to start my own "movement," "cause," or non-profit organization in my endeavor to change the world.
-I'm a pathological perfectionist.
-I feel most at home amongst "broken" people.
-I used to be obsessed with belts and had a sweet collection of them.
-I love filling out any kind of forms...applications, questionnaires, medical forms... etc.
-Some days I wonder if my constant feelings of inadequacy will lead to my demise.
-I'm obsessed with checking the mail.
-Sometimes I'd rather get lost in my relationship with characters in books than live in the "real world."
-I absolutely LOVE palm trees.
-Spongebob Squarepants is my homeboy.
-I'm a pack rat who is desperately trying to change her ways.
-I'm terrified of dying.
-The more I've learned about drugs, the more I want to use them.
-I often wonder if people are only as happy as they are pretending.
-I know more about cars than my husband.
-For some reason I feel the responsibility to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders.

A million little pieces.

Best. Book. Ever.

Life according to my 8 year old self.

Keep the commandments. (My favorite: "don't kill people")

 I think people would like me as the president.

I never was very good at reaching my goals...

 I mean it was awesome.

 BAHAHA

 I go on to say that I hate just about everyone I know "with all the hate I have inside me." Yep, once a hater, always a hater, I guess.

BAHAHA.

The baddist thing...

Vegas.

As exhausted as I am right now, (I got like 3 hours of sleep last night due to Cuddle Fest 2011) I can't help but be SOOO excited for what is to come later this week. I get to see my Lukey poo, I get to lay in bed and read a book I actually want to read, and I get to go to VEGAS!  Seriously. I'm stoked out of my mind and I felt that I should spread the happiness around.

rock on,

sav

Saving the World.

Some day I'M going to write a book on saving the world. Just FYI.

Soul meets body.

I want to live where soul meets body
And let the sun wrap its arms around me
And bathe my skin in water cool and cleansing
And feel, feel what its like to be new

Cause in my head there’s a greyhound station
Where I send my thoughts to far off destinations
So they may have a chance of finding a place
where they’re far more suited than here

I cannot guess what we'll discover
We turn the dirt with our palms cupped like shovels
But I know our filthy hands can wash one another’s
And not one speck will remain

I do believe it’s true
That there are roads left in both of our shoes
But if the silence takes you
Then I hope it takes me too
So brown eyes I hold you near
Cause you’re the only song I want to hear
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere

Where soul meets body