Hope for humanity.

Lately my days have been feeling pretty empty and meaningless. Can I just tell you how bad I hate being a stay-at-home-mother?

But then I stumbled across this blog via my newest addiction, pinterest.

In case you are too lazy to go to the link, it's a blog describing how to put together "blessing bags" to give to homeless people. I read a lot of the comments on this particular blog post (I know, I'm one of THOSE people), and I have to admit, I have mixed feelings about these "blessing bags."

For one thing, if you are going to truly help a homeless person, you shouldn't shove free deoderant in their face, you should give them a place to take a shower and sleep for the night. I wish I had the guts to offer every homeless person I saw my spare bedroom. Alas, there are far too many truly freaky people out there (most of which are not actually homeless), and I'm too poor to afford a hotel room for everyone I see holding cardboard signs next to Wal-Mart.

While all of the things in these goody bags are given as a nice gesture, I still feel that they are somewhat demeaning. I feel like the message they communicate is:

"I don't want to touch you with a 39 1/2 foot pole, but I still want to consider myself Christian so I'm going to give you a Bible and some things from the dollar store to improve the quality of your life. Of course I won't give you money, because everyone knows you will spend it on drugs or booze. I definitely won't take more than 30 seconds out of my day to help you any further, but throwing this bag at you from the window of my pimped out Escalade makes me a good person, right?"

I truly hate the stereotype that all homeless people are drunks and druggies who will spend any money given to them on booze and cocaine. In a lot of the comments on the blog, people talk about putting giftcards to Starbucks or sticking a mere quarter for a phone call in the "blessing bags." Don't actually give them money!!

What if the person hates coffee? What if they have no one to call? That quarter could maybe get them 5 M&Ms from a candy machine at the local Jiffy Lube.

Who are we to judge and say how they will spend money? I'm reminded of a scripture that was pointed out in one of my classes during the first semester of my masters program. I can't remember if it was from the Bible or BOM, (and I'm too lazy to try and find it so I actually look credible), but basically it said that you should just give the poor the money, and let them do with it what they will. That is how you get blessings, folks. Not by judging God's children and witholding because you  think you know what is best for them.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to get after people for trying to help the homeless. I think it's just the BIG thinker in me that gets irritated when people try to do something so SMALL to solve a problem that deserves so much more attention than a trip to the dollar store and a family home evening putting together ziplock bags of goodness.

In fact, that's why I have mixed feelings about this idea. Because somehow, even though I really like the motto, "Go big or go home," I still know and believe that sometimes you have to start small, and that little things do add up to big and miraculous things.

And because I want my children to change the world, I want to start small with them when they are small; helping them create a little "blessing bag" for a homeless person while educating them about the issue of homelessness and showing them how to love and help everyone (in small and big ways) could be a great way to do that.

Gah. I just can't make up my mind. I told you I had mixed feelings about this.

On a more optimistic side note, stumbling across this idea did remind me of the few times I've found a glimmer of hope for humanity in the last few years...

...When the guest staying at the Abbey Inn (during my days at the front desk) gave me $100 bill in an envelope with a kind note telling me to "put this towards your big day"after overhearing me talking to my coworker about how stressed I was about paying for my own wedding cuz I didn't want my parents to worry about the money.

...When people driving by the lemonade/snowcone stand my sister and I manned every summer in front of our house growing up would stop and buy a glass to enjoy in their perfectly air conditioned vehicle and tell us to "keep the change" from the $5 bill they handed us. -Side note- A few days ago, Miles and I were walking home from the grocery store and a couple boys were selling bags of cherries on the corner. It felt so good to give them a $5 bill (the cherries were $1), and telling them to keep the change!

...When I lost my sister's camera in a mosh-pit at the Big Ass show, someone actually responded to the "missing" ad I posted on KSL about it and returned it.

...When the lady at the store bought my husband "Ernest Saves Christmas" because he was telling her how much he loved it while they were in the checkout line.

I guess "little" things really can be "big" things after all.

The Best of Warped Tour.

Saturday I enjoyed what will probably be my last Warped Tour for awhile. Somehow frying in the hot sun for ten hours is losing its appeal. Either that or I'm just getting old.

Although I didn't make my way through the crowd to mosh with the best of them (as is my usual tradition), I still enjoyed the day, chillin' in the shade with my awesome bro, listening to some kick ass bands from a distance.

Since I am a sucker for nostalgia, I figured I would do a tribute post to highlight the best of Warped Tours past:

July 17, 2004 Year One.

Bands:

Alkaline Trio, Anti-Flag, Bad Religion, Bouncing Souls, Coheed and Cambria*, Flogging Molly, Letter Kills, Motion City Soundtrack, My Chemical Romance, New Found Glory, NOFX, Senses Fail*, Story of the Year*, Taking Back Sunday, The Casualties, The Early November, The F-Ups*,Thursday, Yellowcard*.

After having some car troubles at Betos (and having to be jump started by some random guy), my best friend, Hillary and I finally got on the road. We got completely lost, but eventually made it to the fairgrounds. After waiting in the world's longest line to get in, we made it through the crowd to hear Story of the Year, who, may I say, SUCKED live. I was majorly disappointed, as they were one of my favorite bands at the time. Nevertheless, we still had an amazing day. We met up with my crazy friend Luis

who introduced us to Senses Fail,

who played an amazing set, for the record.

Highlights:

Meeting The F-Ups. After listening to them rock out on stage, we hung out with them back at their tent and giddily had them sign our Warped Tour programs. Ha.

July 16, 2005 Year Two.

Bands:

The All American Rejects*, Armor for Sleep, Big D and the Kid's Table*, Billy Idol*, A Change of Pace*, Drop Kick Murphys*, Fall Out Boy*, From First to Last, Gogol Bordello*, Greeley Estates, Halifax, Hawthorne Heights, Hidden in Plain View, Horrorpops*, Matchbook Romance*, The Matches*, Mest, Motion City Soundtrack, MXPX, My Chemical Romance, The Offspring, Relient K, Reggie and the Full Effect*, Rufio, Senses Fail*, Silverstein, Simple Plan*, The Starting Line*, The Transplants*, Underoath.

Highlights:

Meeting The Matches (pardon my poor editing out of the world's dumbest ex-boyfriend who hogged the photo ops all day)

Rocking out with A Change of Pace

July 22, 2006 Year Three.

Bands:

The Academy Is...*, Anti-Flag*, The Audition, Billy Talent, The Bouncing Souls*, From First to Last*, Greeley Estates*, Hellogoodbye*, Joan Jett and the Blackhearts*, Less Than Jake, The Living End*, Motion City Soundtrack*, NOFX*, The Pink Spiders, Rise Against*, Senses Fail*.

-side note- I swear we also saw Cartel.

Highlights:

It was my birthday!!!!! And my BFF Brent came with me this year.

Wearing this awesome shirt I made that was the hit of the day. SO many people talked to me, I felt so cool. Haha.

Immediately after arriving, rocking out to an amazing band (Greeley Estates) and passing out from exhaustion afterwards.

Meeting an amazing new band (The Sunstreak), who gave me a free shirt and signed CD because it was my birthday. We rocked out to them later at a small stage, which was sadly the only time I've ever been able to see them live!

Getting an Anti-Flag shirt for my BFF Hillary for her birthday, because she wasn't able to come to the show with me this year.

Rocking out to The Living End who were crazy mo-fos on stage.

Having the world's worst sunburn that hurt so bad I couldn't wear a real shirt for days afterwards!

July 7, 2007. Year Four.

Bands:

Anberlin*, Bad Religion*, Big D and the Kid's Table*, The Matches*, New Found Glory*, Pennywise*, The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus*, The Spill Canvas*, The Starting Line*, Yellowcard*.

Sadly, I could not find any picture evidence that we actually went to this year's show, although I do have a ticket stub to prove it.

Highlights:

It was Missy and my new (at the time) boyfriend Brett's very first time at Warped! (Although according to Brett, this was the first year I started being lame at Warped Tour and not getting into the crowds for every band.

June 28, 2008 Year Five.

Bands: The Academy Is...*, Anberlin*, Angels and Airwaves*, The Audition*, Greeley Estates*, Reel Big Fish*, Relient K*, Story of the Year*, 3OH!3*.

Again, no picture evidence that I could find, but we were there!

Highlights:

We had seen 3OH!3 in Vegas when they were on tour with Sum 41. They were ridiculously hilarious and crazy on stage during that show, which got us into them. This year at Warped Tour, we enjoyed seeing their theatrics again on one of the smaller stages.

Hearing "Wrong the Right," an F-Ups song blaring from a smaller stage and sticking around to catch a drumstick from the band  who turned out to be Hang 'Em High. After the set, we went and talked to the lead singer, who turned out to be Travis, the lead singer of the F-Ups! He was telling us that after The F-Ups broke up, he and his brother and some of the former members of the band had reformed and became Hang 'Em High. It was crazy, awesome to run into him! Of course he signed the drumstick I had caught, and had all the band members sign it too.

While walking around, we found a booth with a bunch of "Streaker" stuff, and realized it was one of the guys from The Sunstreak. We talked to him for awhile and found out they were trying to record new stuff but were having issues with various labels, so they were trying to make their own.

August 8, 2009 Year Six.

Bands:

A Day to Remember*, Bad Religion*, Big D and the Kid's Table*, Escape the Fate*, Less Than Jake*, Medina Lake*, NOFX*, Scary Kids Scaring Kids*, Senses Fail*, There for Tomorrow*, 3OH!3*.

 --don't ask me what the eff I'm pointing at...

Highlights:

It was Jared's first year at Warped!

Rocking out to Medina Lake and then meeting them aftewards.

Being extremely disappointed in 3OH!3's performance. Now that they had gotten big, they no longer put on their fun, dorky show.

~We skipped 2010-2011's shows, because there weren't enough good bands going to make it worth our while.~

June 16, 2012 Year Seven.

Bands:

Anti-Flag*, I Fight Dragons*, New Found Glory*, Senses Fail*, Taking Back Sunday*, The Used*, We the Kings*, Yellowcard* You Me at Six.*

Highlights:

Leaving our own little rocker at home for the day was hard. One day we will bring him with us to shows.

Feeling like a celebrity when I got asked to write on the "Fears Vs. Dreams" board and get my picture taken at the TWLOHA tent (because I was wearing my old TWLOHA shirt).

Bringing my brother Ammon to his first Warped Tour and rocking out to one of his bands, I Fight Dragons.

Chilling in the shade as much as possible (while being dorks of course).

Seeing people walking around with these

on their bodies, and finally finding the tent they were getting them from which just so happened to be Streaker Records (I knew it!). We talked to Jason from the Sunstreak,and found out they successfully created their own label, and have put out another CD since their EP. Awesome! We also got to listen to one of their new songs which was sweet.

Spotting the drummer from Yellowcard walking around with his girlfriend towards the end of the day. I SWEAR I've seen him in the most random of places every time they come to town!

And of course I can't forget our famous Warped Tour traditions!!!:

-Picking up Texano burritos from Betos to eat on the drive up.

-Parking for free at the Chinese buffet across the street from the fairgrounds (although this was the first year they had people enforcing paid parking in that lot, so we parked down the street in front of someone's house instead...)

-Being so wiped out at the end of the day, that we almost die of exhaustion.

All in all, Warped Tour has been a huge part of my life. I have discovered new bands, and rocked out to some of my old favorites. Although we may not go back for a few more years, here's a toast to the memories!


*=bands I'm at least 99% positive we saw. Sadly in my old age, I'm losing my mind and can't guarantee that we actually made it to see the rest of the bands listed (although I'm pretty sure we saw most of them).

Catharsis.

Despite the helping profession's general shift away from Freud and his insight oriented therapy style, I find myself continually valuing the power of catharsis.

It always seems to pop up in the strangest of places.

Today I found some.

You may remember from this post or this post, or this one that I've recently discovered how much I love yoga.

Well, today that love was renewed when I participated in a yoga/writing retreat. This was the third such retreat that I have attended in the last year. Each one has been amazing, and exactly what I needed at the time. I learned a lot about myself in those hours of sun salutations and silly similes.

I have a feeling this is going to be a long post, so buckle up for the ride.

One moment that was particularly powerful during today's events was during a moment of meditation when I decided to go back and read some of the things I'd written during my first retreat. There I found this "letter to my 13 year old self:"

Dear Savannah,

I'm writing to let you know that everything is going to be ok. You have hard times coming your way, but you will survive. There will be times when you feel like the world is crashing down on you and you won't know how to hold it all up. Don't worry, it was never your responsibility to hold things together. There will be beauty in the fall-- you will probably notice only the misery, so keep your heart open to the beams of light filtering in from the dark clouds. I don't have to tell you not to give up, because I know you won't anyway. You are a fighter. Not to mention, you probably won't listen to a dang word I say anyway because you're so stubborn. You always have to explore things for yourself and feel your own pain. That will never change. But one thing I do want to tell you is: give yourself permission to fall, to fail, to make the worst mistakes. Have the courage to be imperfect. But most importantly, just be. Don't change a thing, because everything you are is for a reason.

Love,
    Me :)

Apparently I wrote that letter for not just my 13 year old self, but my 24 year old self, too. Those words were exactly what I needed to hear read right now.

You see, lately I have been stressing out about falling and failing, and making big mistakes. I am a mother, and what I do no longer just affects me. I have an adorable baby boy who depends on me for life. That terrifies me, and I am constantly worried about screwing him up or not being a good enough mother. I guess I needed this reminder that it's a good thing to be imperfect and that there is beauty in the breakdown.

Another profound moment was when I got home and read through the rest of the things I had written at the first retreat. I came across my response to a guided meditation which (apparently) focused on us having a conversation with our fear. After the exercise, we were told to write down what our fear said to us. I wrote:

"You are not in control."
"You are not in control."
"You are not in control."

The funny thing is, I totally forgot about that particular experience. And I can't say that I remember exactly what fear I was facing, even now looking back.

What I do know is that today we did a similar guided meditation in which we were asked to confront a fear we have right now and have a conversation with it. We were also told to ask it about it's purpose.

As you can imagine, I focused on my intense fear of being a mother and screwing up my poor, innocent child. Of something bad happening to him at my expense. When I first asked my fear what its purpose is in my life, I got the response: "to remind you of what you could be." But then as I prepared to exit the meditation, I got the overwhelming feeling that what my fear was really trying to say was, "You can't always have control. You need to be okay with that."

In the moment I thought it was kind of weird. I know I am quite the control freak, but I didn't see that particular issue to be extremely related to my current parenting fear.

Then when I got home and read my previous response, it really hit me how much my need to be in control interferes with all aspects of my life. I am now extremely curious to see how this inner battle plays out.

Remember when I warned you that this was going to be a long post?

Looks like I made good on that promise.

Just for Kix, I want to share my response to one of the last writing prompts we received today:

"What stifles you?":

Mindlessness.
Watching too much t.v.
Staying indoors on a perfect sunny day.
Utah county.
Speed limits.
2012 Fashion choices.
Having my cell phone always within arms reach.
Being finished with school and unsure about the future.
Work schedules.
Lack of sleep.
Not knowing how to cook.
The fact that I think better in lists.
A messy house.
Waking up to facebook.

My responses reminded me of some things that have been on my mind lately:

1. How much my life is ruled by technology and how I don't want the same for my child.
2. How I've forgotten what it's like to savor everyday moments with my baby because of the aforementioned technology, and how I want to change that. (See this blog post shared with me through facebook which served as added inspiration to make some changes in my life).
3. How much I love lists and how I haven't written much lately in this:

Speaking of lists, stay tuned for a future post with this summer's bucket list.

Until next time, folks.

As a parent...

As a teenager, I had a really rough relationship with my parents.

Basically, I hated them.

Luckily, since then, I have come to appreciate their craziness and love them in spite of it.

At the time, however, I made a list of things I wanted to do, or not do as a parent, so as not to repeat their mistakes. I recently found that list, and found it amusing, as I am now, officially a parent (to the world's most adorable baby, might I add) thus, should be living up to it.

As a parent...

I will let my kids have sleepovers whenever they want.

Uh, with all of the creepy people in this world, I think I may have to renegotiate this particular promise. And whenever they want? That may be a little extreme. Lets just say, I will be more amenable to sleepovers than my parents were, but I will use my *wise* judgement.

I will always have good food at my house.

Hmm... I don't even have this right now, so I think this one was just wishful thinking.

I will be a part of my kids' lives.

I will let my kids go to public school and I will help them with their homework.

Being home schooled was awful and I definitely won't submit my poor children to that lifestyle. Having me as a teacher? No way. As far as helping with homework, we'll just have to see how quickly my brain cells start dying, now that I'm not in school anymore.

I will not raise my voice or yell and I will not tolerate anyone doing so. Everyone will talk in a civilized manner.

I hope I can live up to my side of the bargain on this one, although one thing I have learned since being a teen is that I cannot control other people (as much as I would like to sometimes!).

I will let my kids hang out with their friends and take them places.

I will have fun things to do at my house so no one is ever bored.

My kids better love board games, books, and building play forts as much as I do! None of this video game, Ipad, blu ray, crap...

I will scrapbook and save our pictures.

Although I am not the most crafty person ever, I definitely want my kids to have something tangible to look back on when they want to reminisce (or learn what they were like when they were too young to remember).

I will be a friend to my kids (someone they want to talk to).

I will have a nice, clean, home where you can feel the spirit.

I guess I need to step up my game! :-P I obviously did not have children when I wrote this... My house wasn't even clean before Miles was born!

I will buy my kids school stuff and clothes and everything they need.

I will be home when they need me.

Although I have never had the desire to be a full-time, stay-at-home mom, I've always wanted to be there for my kids when they need me. Recently, I surprised even myself, when I decided to avoid establishing my full-time career until after my baby's first year. With all that I've learned about attachment (in school, and through my own problems with it), I've decided that Miles needs me more now than he probably ever will. I may be overly paranoid that if I "leave" him to work, he will not form a secure attachment and will be screwed up the rest of his life, but I still feel like erring on the side of caution with this one. I still plan to work part time (hello people, I still need a -grown up- life!), but Miles will be my main focus for awhile.

I will trust my kids and let them do things.

I will involve them in sports, music, and other things.

I will have scripture study daily (at dinner).

I can't remember the last time I read my scriptures daily. Heck, I can't even remember the last time I read my scriptures! I'm still trying to figure out how much religion I want in my own life... I'm not sure that I'll ever really find making a rigid scripture study an important part of my life or my kids' lives. I do hope to nurture their spirituality and to allow them to make their own choices about religion rather than forcing them to "Choose The Right."

I will have good meals and healthy snacks at all times.

Lets be honest. I'll never be perfect at this one. However, I will still try. In addition, I want to be active with my kids. Say no to obesity, America!

I will take my kids to church and teach them the gospel.

Well seeing as how Miles's first time at church was on his two month birthday, I don't have the greatest track record in this domain. I hope to figure out my feelings about "the gospel" soon enough to articulate to my son what I believe (and don't believe) and why. Then he can make the choice about what he believes and why.

I will love my kids and help them and just be a good friend.

I will tell my kids bedtime stories (especially ones of when I was young).

Now this one is going to require a good memory (which I really don't have!) Missy, how about we get together and record all of our fun times so that we don't forget 'em?? :)

I will keep a journal for each of my kids and help them (when they are able) to keep their own.

Writing has always been important in my life. Through it I have found solace, and in looking back on things I have written in the past, I have found... well, humor, really. I've already started a journal for Miles about how adorable he is so that in future (ahem, teenage) moments when I want to scream and kill him, I can look back and realize I really do love him. Buahaha.

I will be the neighborhood mom who all of the kids love.

I already have the cool Kool-aid pitcher thing going for me.

My house will be open to all of my kids' friends.

I've considered letting homeless people live with me. I'm pretty sure I can tolerate Miles's future stinky, sweaty, playmates.

I will teach my children to serve and do service projects with them.

I will learn how to be a first aid person, so if anything happens to my kids I will be able to help them.

Does downloading this Pocket First Aid and CPR app count?

I will have computers and stuff that they can play on and do school stuff.

While it's obvious that we will have a computer, I'm not sure how much time I want my kids wasting away their time on it. Bring on the bike rides and camping trips!

I won't let them watch trash t.v. and teach them why not to, so they won't want to.

Looks like I need to reform my own bad habits if I am ever to teach my kids this one...

I will stay by my kids' sides when they are sick or hurt.

Well folks, there you have it. My parenting pledge. Can you think of anything else I could possibly add?

What's in a name?

Among the million things about being pregnant that are stressful, picking a name for your child has got to be at the top of the list.

We still haven't decided on a name for this little guy (aside from his glorified nickname: Pookie).

I've given up on convincing Brett to agree to the name that I've determined is perfect for our son... I'm sort of hoping that once the little guy is born, Brett will have an epiphany and realize just how right I am. A girl can dream, right?

As I was looking through old texts the other day, I came across a conversation I had about baby names with my twelve-year-old little sister. It went something like this:

Caroline: Any names picked out yet?
Savannah: Yes and no.
Caroline: What are some of them?
Savannah: Allister.
Caroline: I think I have to help you come up with names OBVIOUSLY.
Savannah: No. :-P I have good names thank you very much.
Caroline: If that's a sample you need help (my professional help :))

Maybe I am in need of some professional help. We're running out of time, here!

The emotional roller coaster that is called Parenthood.

Warning! The post you are about to read contains a great deal of pregnant angst. Reader discretion is advised. 

Last night I had the joy of watching Parenthood live for the first time. Usually my life is so chaotic I have to catch up via Hulu, but miraculously, this week was different.

I was on the edge of my seat when I watched the previous episode online earlier in the day. There were so many plot lines I felt invested in that I was glad not to have to wait a long period of time before watching the newest developments. Little did I know, my emotional health was greatly at risk.

I usually relish in the drama of the show (after all, isn't that what TV is all about?!), but after tonight's episode, I realized the price we sometimes pay for drama. 

Although I actually got one of the best night's sleep last night (which is miraculous for me being so uncomfortably pregnant), I woke to find that this episode really hit strong chords with my subconscious. 

I can't help but be extremely disappointed, and at moments even disgusted by the way adoption has been portrayed so far on the show. 

Because adoption is so close to my heart, I love to see and hear about how others experience it, even if those people are fake TV characters. I remember how emotionally invested I was in Claire's character on Lost because of her situation. Maybe I'm just weird, but who's asking you, anyway?

For those of you who aren't familiar with the show (I realize that not everyone has my undying devotion for Lauren Graham), let me fill you in on the details:

Julia is one of the show's main characters. She's the youngest daughter of the four sibling family the show follows. She's a successful lawyer who is also somewhat of an obsessive control freak. Her husband, Joel, is a stay at home dad with their daughter, Sidney.  Recently, Julia decides she wants to have another baby, but finds out that for whatever reason, she can't conceive. So she and Joel decide they want to look into adoption.

It just so happens that a young, pregnant girl works at a coffee cart at Julia's firm during this dramatic time. Of course Julia gets to know this girl and asks her if she can adopt the baby and the girl says yes. This obviously is done with much more drama and hooplah than I've outlined here, but that's besides the point.

What is the point, anyway?

My pregnancy brain is already overloaded and my emotions are all over the place, so forgive me for my lack of organized thought.

Ok, the point... Well the point is, the show has grossly misrepresented any semblance of a real adoption and it pisses me off. 

Where are the caseworkers? Where are the lawyers? Where is the application process for Julia and Joel? Where is education about adoption and it's many different shapes, colors, and sizes? Where is the counseling for Zoe (the birthmother)? 

So far the show has shown Julia perpetuate a "give me your baby" attitude that I find to be absolutely disgusting, and unrealistic. While I realize that a lot of new adoptive couples have a lot to learn and understand about the adoption process, Julia is CLUELESS, and I'm disappointed that the writers of the show haven't done anything to address this. Of course adoptive parents are going through an emotional roller coaster with their infertility. Of course once they find a birthmother, they are going to worry until that baby is 100% theirs that the birthmom may change her mind. Of course they may feel threatened by the openness that is becoming more common in adoptions these days. All of those things are a reality, and I get it. But Julia's character has done nothing but perpetuate all the myths about adoption that are out there and obviously it's touched a nerve for me.

So, because I feel the need to educate anyone who is listening to my angsty-pregnant rant, let me provide some information about adoption that this show (and especially this last episode) so kindly has left out:

Point Number One: 

Adoption isn't just something that anyone can decide to do to magically get themselves a baby when they feel like it. It is a long, difficult process for adoptive couples. There are different laws in each state that require a lot of paperwork and a "home visit" before couples are "approved" to move forward with adoption. 

I have been annoyed that the only paperwork the show has discussed so far is the signing of the birthfather's relinquishment papers. There's no mention of Julia and Joel's application, their stacks of paperwork, their home visit, or any of their approval process, really. Are they even actually approved for adoption? Adoption isn't just as simple as saying "I want a baby. Let's find someone who is having one and ask for them to hand it over." Yet, that is how it has been depicted in the show.

Point Number Two:

Because adoption is a legal process, it requires third party facilitators. An adoptive couple must work with lawyers and/or caseworkers in order to complete their application paperwork, have a "home study" conducted, receive adoption counseling/education, be represented in court to finalize the adoption, etc. 

Again, I ask, where are the freaking caseworkers??? Some of the show's other main characters, Adam and Christina, have a son with Aspergers. They consult with a therapist for their son on a regular basis. So why did the writers decide that Julia and Joel don't need counseling for their adoption, when in reality, that is very much a big part of the process?! Their lack of education about adoption is so blatant and unnerving to me. They have no idea how to freaking treat a birthmother and how to navigate an open relationship with her. Instead they are awkward, overbearing, intrusive, and over the last several episodes have repeatedly hounded her with, "Are you sure you're going to give us your baby? Are you really sure? How about now? Are you changing your mind? What about now?" AHHHH! This is not reality people!! Which leads me to....

Point Number Three:

Birthmothers deserve respect. They are are not stupid, heartless people who are looking for an easy way out of a difficult situation. If they wanted an "easy" way out, they would have sprung for an abortion, which does not require the emotional roller coaster of carrying a living human being inside of you for nine months. Adoption is not an easy decision for a birthmother, by any means. She doesn't need someone constantly asking "are you sure about this?" every five minutes. Of course she is sure. Of course she isn't sure. Choosing to place your child for adoption is one of the most heartbreaking decisions a person could ever make. It's painful and scary to think about losing that incredible connection you have with your child to parents who you know are more "fit" to take care of your baby than you are. It's gut wrenching to know that you will never be able to experience your child's firsts: their first smile, their first laugh, their first step, their first birthday. But when a birthmom knows it's right, it's right. She needs empathy and support, not a constant second guessing of her decision by anyone and everyone who has an opinion on the matter. 

The way Zoe has been portrayed in these latest episodes has been really maddening to me. She has vicariously (through her boyfriend) asked Julia and Joel to be "paid" for "giving them her baby."

Let's stop there for a minute. I think it is a pretty common assumption in the media that a lot, if not the majority, of birthmothers are looking to "sell" their babies to get some kind of gain out of it. SERIOUSLY, people?! While there are always exceptions, and that may be the case in some situations, that is not typical. Like I said before, the decision to place for adoption is not selfish and heartless like this. It's difficult and painful, and done because birthmothers want what is best for their child.  

And lets talk language for a second. The phrase "giving up a baby for adoption" has more recently come under scrutiny in the adoption world. A major push to choose wording like "placing a child for adoption" or "making an adoption decision" has become more acceptable. My first thoughts about this wording change were "Oh, great, here's another one of those 'politically correct' ways to say something that we all have to tippy toe around so as not to offend people." However, after watching these emotionally laden episodes, I'm beginning to understand why the adoption world is trying to make the shift. I've also realized just how painful it is to my ears, especially, to hear "She put her baby up for adoption." AHHH!!! Birthmothers don't put their babies up!! They don't just pop the thing out, say, "Hmm, this isn't for me" and put them on Ebay for anyone to bid on. That would be pretty heartless. Did I mention already that birthmothers AREN'T heartless? Hopefully you got that memo.

Another thing that has occurred recently in the show, is Zoe becoming emotional about her decision at various times (i.e. when she discovers the nursery Julia is setting up for the baby and when Julia takes her to a birth class that emphasizes the loving bond mothers will have for their child). 

Of course she is getting emotional for crying out loud! She is days away from giving birth to a child that she knows she is not going to parent, despite the love she has for the baby. It's normal, and HEALTHY for her to be experiencing grief right now. She should be talking to someone about her grief (i.e. a CASEWORKER), not experiencing the wrath of controlling, overprotective Julia who is openly freaking out at any sign that Zoe is "changing her mind." A birthmother is going to experience grief. It does not mean she is changing her mind. It means she is human. She is normal. She is healthy. You should be worried if she's NOT openly grieving. But does the show illustrate this? No. They demonize Zoe for having any feelings at all.

In the last scenes of the episode, they show Zoe in the nursery holding the baby and bonding (which she refused to do just after birth). Then Julia looks in the window, witnesses this, catches Zoe's eyes and openly SCOWLS at her as if to say, "How dare you bond with my baby!" SERIOUSLY?!? Again, it's NORMAL and HEALTHY for a birthmother to hold her baby, to connect with him/her and to say her goodbyes. That isn't a sign that she's "changing her mind" for crying out-freaking-loud! It's a sign that she loves her child and is preparing to make a sacrifice that not many would even dream of making. She should be loved, cherished and respected for this, not pathologized and scowled at! 

Ugh. So there you have it. My pregnant rant of the day. I hope you were able to see beyond my angst and understand that I know Parenthood is just a TV show and not real life. I realize the writers are just going for dramatic effect by leaving so much out of the story. But I hope you will also understand why this type of media portrayal of adoption is unhealthy and harmful to women everywhere who have made the incredibly difficult decision to place their children for adoption in loving homes to non-neurotic, adoptive couples.

Sidenote: My prediction is that Zoe is going to place the baby with Julia and Joel and that this has all just been a big hooplah to get people emotional.

Sidenote number two: Crosby and Jasmine are FINALLY back together! Yay! All is right with the world. :)