Today I had a unique opportunity to participate in a yoga/writing retreat. Yoga=peace, writing=catharsis, so yoga+writing= peaceful catharsis.
I spent 6 hours writing, doing yoga, meditating, eating mindfully and sharing my soul with other people. I don't think it gets any better than that.
Through the experience I learned just how much I have changed over the last year. I used to feel uncomfortable around other people. Besides my closest friends, I kept to myself. I remained hidden. I was like a turtle who stayed constantly burrowed in it's shell.
This last year has brought people into my life who have changed me forever. They have allowed me the safety and freedom to slowly start breaking down my walls. I have also discovered precious knowledge and wisdom in school that has dramatically shifted how I see myself and others. All of these things have been a tremendous blessing for me, for in them, I have found freedom.
During this retreat, we did yoga, then received a "prompt" to write about. After some of the prompts we got into small groups and shared what we had written with no explanation, no apologizing, just reading. When I first realized we would have to share, I freaked out inside. I had been hoping for some very personal clarity and catharsis and I didn't feel comfortable sharing that with complete strangers. However, as we got started, I found that it came much easier than I thought. That definitely would not have been true a year ago.
Realizing that made me reflect back on a service trip I took this spring through UVU. Last year my sister went on the trip which involved removing dead Tamarisk trees from near the river that runs through Canyonlands National Park. I wanted to go with her so bad last year, but my school and work schedule kept that from being possible. This year, we were able to make the trip together. It was a blast.
We met some awesome people and got to participate in some awesome activities. One of my favorite parts of the trip was when Missy and I went with two other girls to a place called Indian Ladder. There we met up with two guy friends of one of the girls we were with and hiked out to this little pool of water surrounded by a little enclosed canyon and rocks. It was beautiful and so serene. We hiked up in the rocks as the sun set. Words can't describe the incredible feeling that was there. Although it was dark, we still wanted to climb the "Indian Ladder" so we walked back to that spot.
The "ladder" consisted of little wood rungs wedged in between a rock which forms a tiny tunnel. This lead up to an opening where you can sit on the top of the rock's peak. By the time we began, it was pretty dark. We had just one little flashlight and four of us who wanted to make the climb. I was a little nervous at first. I tend to get claustrophobic, and the opening between the rocks that you climb up is very very narrow. I very easily could have gotten stuck and freaked out. The fact that it was dark made it that much more scary. But, despite the fact that I was with people I hardly knew, I decided to take a risk and trust. Emily (one of the girls we were with) had done the climb earlier that day. She led us up to the top where we all arrived safely and in one piece. At the peak, the view was awesome. We got to lay out on the rocks and see the stars, and the beautiful big moon. It was incredible.
I remember recognizing in that moment that I had come a long way. In the past I probably wouldn't have even gone on a trip like that. I would have felt uncomfortable being around people I didn't know and if I would have gone, I probably would have stuck to myself. However, on the trip, I noticed myself doing the opposite. I was eager to meet new people, to swap stories to get to know them and to let them come to know me. I was excited and happy and non-judgmental of the different places people came from. It was a great feeling to realize that I was capable of achieving such a great change.
This writing retreat gave me the same great reminder. That I am capable of putting myself out there and making connections rather than staying miserably shelled up.
It was indeed peaceful and cathartic.
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