rant about the patriarchy.

Today I came to a sad realization.

Our society has ridiculously unhealthy views of the female body.

Ok, so "duh!" right?

That's probably not a big shocker to anyone. Growing up as a girl/young women I was bombarded by unhealthy and unrealistic ideals about what my body "should" look like (thank you, Gisele Bündchen!) [Edited to note: of course, not really thanks to her, thanks to patriarchy.]. In our society, everywhere we turn there are images of women showing off their "perfect," sexy bodies, as if we could all live up to that stereotype.

I'll be the first to admit, that those images have had an effect on me. I'll never forget the self-esteem-crushing comments from my male peers in junior high about my "cottage cheese legs" or my insanely twisted desire for what is now deemed a "thigh gap."

Despite the unrealistic views portrayed in the media, I also grew up hearing the common reassurance that women and girls in magazines and TV are all air brushed and that their thinness and flawless beauty are not real. At the end of the day, as a woman in our society, I have still felt the sting of not living up to impossible standards we've set for women's bodies and let me tell ya, it sucks.

I sort of had a little epiphany at work today, though, that caused me to look at things in an even more depressing light. Not only am I (and other women and girls) constantly bombarded by images of how my perfect body should look, but I am told that my body is disgusting, gross, dirty, and shameful.

Think about it.

Menstruation. I'm sure you've all seen the viral video floating around Facebook about the girl who fakes getting her period whose mom throws her an embarrassing party to get even with her for lying. Despite the snark (that has become increasingly popular), we like to keep talk about periods under wraps (almost literally!). It's pretty cliche to see men in media totally horrified when asked to pick up "that-time-of-the-month" items for their wives/girlfriends. It's just so... gross. Right? I've been reading a book about fertility awareness, and the author references the feeling of being "dirty down there" that is so prevalent among girls and women who haven't been properly educated about their bodies. We tend to grow up with this idea that what is normal is actually dirty and disgusting.

I'll admit, I've even fed in to the awful stereotypes. While I've been exposed to a lot of "hippie-ish" attitudes towards the female body lately, specifically as it relates to birthing ("It's beautiful, it's blissful, it's totally normal and amazing what our bodies can do!"), I've still felt grossed out by a lot of aspects of labor and childbirth, even while going through it myself. I've made comments to people about just how gross things get.

Then today at work, one of my 14 year old male clients (I work at a treatment center for adolescents, in case you were wondering) asked me if my husband brought my baby to me at work everyday so I could feed him. His question was the result of passing my office and seeing the sign covering the window: "Feeding my baby. Check back in 10 minutes." that I put up while pumping.

The look on his face when I explained to him why I had the sign up was priceless. It was so indicative of the fact that we have a problem. His response was almost identical to another 13 year old male client who asked me the same question and was absolutely repulsed by that particular bodily function of mine.

Why is it so gross that I make milk to feed my baby? (Answer: it's not.)

Obviously, I am dealing with teenage boys here, and their views on girls/bodies/sex are immature and evolving, but I just found it absolutely saddening that we start boys so young (and really, everyone for that matter) with these negative perceptions about the female body being something gross and shameful.

My boobs are only beautiful if they are big, bouncy, and turning you on for sex. They are bizarre and gross if they are feeding my newborn baby.

My vagina is only beautiful if it's the pathway to pleasure for your penis. It's dirty and disgusting if it's menstruating, or giving birth.

Do the same negative perceptions exist for men about their "male parts?" Of course not! Penises aren't gross, they (and their size) are something to brag about! After all, boys will be boys.

So thank you, patriarchy, for not only whittling down my value to my body and whether or not it is "perfect" and thus pleasing to a man for sexual purposes, but for perpetuating disgust for what truly is normal and should be loveable about my body.

End rant.

P.S. Also saw this commercial tonight. It made me even more sad. Patriarchy for the win!