I don't think I have ever had such a hard time returning a book to the library before.
I renewed this book the maximum number of times, then checked it in just so I could check it back out again.
It did take me awhile to read the whole thing, that was part of it.
But I think it was hard to let go of because it became like a close friend to me.
I spent a significant amount of time over the last few weeks processing the content, revisiting the best parts and writing down quotes and elements that I want to remember and come back to.
As I sit down and reflect on this book and what it has meant to me, I am overwhelmed.
I just physically held the book close to my chest and expressed my deepest gratitude over and over and over again to the universe for this gift.
It came exactly when it needed to.
The last couple years I have been so lost, so stuck, so trapped. I have been so depressed and my life has lacked any sense of meaning.
This beautiful book and its wisdom has started bringing all that missing meaning right back to me.
As much as I hate to admit that all these depressing aspects of my life actually served a purpose, I can't really deny it.
I'm not sure I would have been made ready any other way.
I feel like I had to experience that dark night of my soul in order to recognize just what was missing and to be open to these slender threads the universe had waiting for me.
Experiencing this transformation while reading this book and The Dance of the Dissident Daughter wouldn't have been so significant and meaningful if it weren't for the experiences that have led me to this time and place.
I have never believed in chance.
I'm a big "fate" kind of person, honestly.
It was no coincidence or accident that all of these things are coming into my life.
I had to reach the point of pure exhaustion to be ready for my own enlightenment.
I love the part of this book where he talks about enlightenment actually being experienced as more of a breakdown, as one's world falling apart.
I have felt exactly that for the last couple years, that my world is falling apart. I have carried around that weight of darkness, despair, and hopelessness.
I love that he says this is necessary in order to reach a higher level of consciousness/intelligence/creativity and genius.
There really has been purpose in my pain.
I love that some of his experiences so closely parallel my own. It is almost just freaky that he outlines almost exactly, down to the detail, a dream that I have been building in my head for years now that he has actually lived as a reality.
Like this is yet another sign, another slender thread, really just the universe screaming at the top of its lungs for me to pay attention and to make it my reality.
He even talks about yoga for crying out loud.
Everything, everything, EVERYTHING is connecting and coming together and I almost can't even handle it.
As I hold this book close to my heart, I am in awe.
That this person who lived in a completely different time and place could have a life that mirrors mine in a way that is so beautiful and freaky and that he could not only just experience those things, but also write about them.
And that I could stumble across this particular book at this particular time and that the world can all make sense again in all of it's beautiful, broken glory.
Gotta love those slender threads of synchronicity.
And I absolutely believe that it is no coincidence that my interest in his life and his theory has led me to a closer look at my dreams.
Dreams containing (among other things) common themes of a fresh start, new beginnings, expanded thinking, shift in personal identity, undergoing a transition, reconnection to an old self, inner transformation, rebirth, healing.
Like all of this is just part of a greater plan, a bigger picture stemming from a larger consciousness.
And now I'm so awake I don't think I can ever go back to sleep.
I will just have to keep reading, learning, and expanding in tune with the universe and following every last slender thread into enlightenment.
As I sit down and reflect on this book and what it has meant to me, I am overwhelmed.
I just physically held the book close to my chest and expressed my deepest gratitude over and over and over again to the universe for this gift.
It came exactly when it needed to.
The last couple years I have been so lost, so stuck, so trapped. I have been so depressed and my life has lacked any sense of meaning.
This beautiful book and its wisdom has started bringing all that missing meaning right back to me.
As much as I hate to admit that all these depressing aspects of my life actually served a purpose, I can't really deny it.
I'm not sure I would have been made ready any other way.
I feel like I had to experience that dark night of my soul in order to recognize just what was missing and to be open to these slender threads the universe had waiting for me.
Experiencing this transformation while reading this book and The Dance of the Dissident Daughter wouldn't have been so significant and meaningful if it weren't for the experiences that have led me to this time and place.
I have never believed in chance.
I'm a big "fate" kind of person, honestly.
It was no coincidence or accident that all of these things are coming into my life.
I had to reach the point of pure exhaustion to be ready for my own enlightenment.
I love the part of this book where he talks about enlightenment actually being experienced as more of a breakdown, as one's world falling apart.
I have felt exactly that for the last couple years, that my world is falling apart. I have carried around that weight of darkness, despair, and hopelessness.
I love that he says this is necessary in order to reach a higher level of consciousness/intelligence/creativity and genius.
There really has been purpose in my pain.
I love that some of his experiences so closely parallel my own. It is almost just freaky that he outlines almost exactly, down to the detail, a dream that I have been building in my head for years now that he has actually lived as a reality.
Like this is yet another sign, another slender thread, really just the universe screaming at the top of its lungs for me to pay attention and to make it my reality.
He even talks about yoga for crying out loud.
Everything, everything, EVERYTHING is connecting and coming together and I almost can't even handle it.
As I hold this book close to my heart, I am in awe.
That this person who lived in a completely different time and place could have a life that mirrors mine in a way that is so beautiful and freaky and that he could not only just experience those things, but also write about them.
And that I could stumble across this particular book at this particular time and that the world can all make sense again in all of it's beautiful, broken glory.
Gotta love those slender threads of synchronicity.
And I absolutely believe that it is no coincidence that my interest in his life and his theory has led me to a closer look at my dreams.
Dreams containing (among other things) common themes of a fresh start, new beginnings, expanded thinking, shift in personal identity, undergoing a transition, reconnection to an old self, inner transformation, rebirth, healing.
Like all of this is just part of a greater plan, a bigger picture stemming from a larger consciousness.
And now I'm so awake I don't think I can ever go back to sleep.
I will just have to keep reading, learning, and expanding in tune with the universe and following every last slender thread into enlightenment.
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