Due to my love of lists, I decided last year to make a "fun" one of all the things I wanted to accomplish during summer vacation. Looking back on that list is pretty depressing. I just realized that I accomplished less than half of the things that I set out to do. Despite my lack of follow through, I've decided to make this "summer bucket list" thing an annual event. So, even though the summer is almost halfway over, here are my fabulous aspirations for the next two and half months:
*Lagoon with friends.
*Whistle Wok
*Summer carnival
*Dig up old memories from "the shed"
*Summer reading
*Clean out my shed
*Sunday bike rides
*Get a tan playing at Seven Peaks
*Go to Lake Powell for the first time
*Campfire and s'mores with friends
*Zilch up at the cabin
*Pineapple from Tucanos
*Get my wedding dressed cleaned
*Sleepover with sisters (and possibly with school sisters)
*Picnic at the park
*Purge my house of excess "stuff"
*Lose 5 lbs and 2.5% body fat
*Camping and paintball with the fam
*Get both cars deep cleaned
*Double date game night with the cuz and her hubs
*Consume massive amounts of watermelon snow cones
Yup, I think that about wraps it up!!
Friday, June 17, 2011
Friday, June 3, 2011
meditation is the language of the soul.
Today I had a unique opportunity to participate in a yoga/writing retreat. Yoga=peace, writing=catharsis, so yoga+writing= peaceful catharsis.
I spent 6 hours writing, doing yoga, meditating, eating mindfully and sharing my soul with other people. I don't think it gets any better than that.
Through the experience I learned just how much I have changed over the last year. I used to feel uncomfortable around other people. Besides my closest friends, I kept to myself. I remained hidden. I was like a turtle who stayed constantly burrowed in it's shell.
This last year has brought people into my life who have changed me forever. They have allowed me the safety and freedom to slowly start breaking down my walls. I have also discovered precious knowledge and wisdom in school that has dramatically shifted how I see myself and others. All of these things have been a tremendous blessing for me, for in them, I have found freedom.
During this retreat, we did yoga, then received a "prompt" to write about. After some of the prompts we got into small groups and shared what we had written with no explanation, no apologizing, just reading. When I first realized we would have to share, I freaked out inside. I had been hoping for some very personal clarity and catharsis and I didn't feel comfortable sharing that with complete strangers. However, as we got started, I found that it came much easier than I thought. That definitely would not have been true a year ago.
Realizing that made me reflect back on a service trip I took this spring through UVU. Last year my sister went on the trip which involved removing dead Tamarisk trees from near the river that runs through Canyonlands National Park. I wanted to go with her so bad last year, but my school and work schedule kept that from being possible. This year, we were able to make the trip together. It was a blast.
We met some awesome people and got to participate in some awesome activities. One of my favorite parts of the trip was when Missy and I went with two other girls to a place called Indian Ladder. There we met up with two guy friends of one of the girls we were with and hiked out to this little pool of water surrounded by a little enclosed canyon and rocks. It was beautiful and so serene. We hiked up in the rocks as the sun set. Words can't describe the incredible feeling that was there. Although it was dark, we still wanted to climb the "Indian Ladder" so we walked back to that spot.
The "ladder" consisted of little wood rungs wedged in between a rock which forms a tiny tunnel. This lead up to an opening where you can sit on the top of the rock's peak. By the time we began, it was pretty dark. We had just one little flashlight and four of us who wanted to make the climb. I was a little nervous at first. I tend to get claustrophobic, and the opening between the rocks that you climb up is very very narrow. I very easily could have gotten stuck and freaked out. The fact that it was dark made it that much more scary. But, despite the fact that I was with people I hardly knew, I decided to take a risk and trust. Emily (one of the girls we were with) had done the climb earlier that day. She led us up to the top where we all arrived safely and in one piece. At the peak, the view was awesome. We got to lay out on the rocks and see the stars, and the beautiful big moon. It was incredible.
I remember recognizing in that moment that I had come a long way. In the past I probably wouldn't have even gone on a trip like that. I would have felt uncomfortable being around people I didn't know and if I would have gone, I probably would have stuck to myself. However, on the trip, I noticed myself doing the opposite. I was eager to meet new people, to swap stories to get to know them and to let them come to know me. I was excited and happy and non-judgmental of the different places people came from. It was a great feeling to realize that I was capable of achieving such a great change.
This writing retreat gave me the same great reminder. That I am capable of putting myself out there and making connections rather than staying miserably shelled up.
It was indeed peaceful and cathartic.
I spent 6 hours writing, doing yoga, meditating, eating mindfully and sharing my soul with other people. I don't think it gets any better than that.
Through the experience I learned just how much I have changed over the last year. I used to feel uncomfortable around other people. Besides my closest friends, I kept to myself. I remained hidden. I was like a turtle who stayed constantly burrowed in it's shell.
This last year has brought people into my life who have changed me forever. They have allowed me the safety and freedom to slowly start breaking down my walls. I have also discovered precious knowledge and wisdom in school that has dramatically shifted how I see myself and others. All of these things have been a tremendous blessing for me, for in them, I have found freedom.
During this retreat, we did yoga, then received a "prompt" to write about. After some of the prompts we got into small groups and shared what we had written with no explanation, no apologizing, just reading. When I first realized we would have to share, I freaked out inside. I had been hoping for some very personal clarity and catharsis and I didn't feel comfortable sharing that with complete strangers. However, as we got started, I found that it came much easier than I thought. That definitely would not have been true a year ago.
Realizing that made me reflect back on a service trip I took this spring through UVU. Last year my sister went on the trip which involved removing dead Tamarisk trees from near the river that runs through Canyonlands National Park. I wanted to go with her so bad last year, but my school and work schedule kept that from being possible. This year, we were able to make the trip together. It was a blast.
We met some awesome people and got to participate in some awesome activities. One of my favorite parts of the trip was when Missy and I went with two other girls to a place called Indian Ladder. There we met up with two guy friends of one of the girls we were with and hiked out to this little pool of water surrounded by a little enclosed canyon and rocks. It was beautiful and so serene. We hiked up in the rocks as the sun set. Words can't describe the incredible feeling that was there. Although it was dark, we still wanted to climb the "Indian Ladder" so we walked back to that spot.
The "ladder" consisted of little wood rungs wedged in between a rock which forms a tiny tunnel. This lead up to an opening where you can sit on the top of the rock's peak. By the time we began, it was pretty dark. We had just one little flashlight and four of us who wanted to make the climb. I was a little nervous at first. I tend to get claustrophobic, and the opening between the rocks that you climb up is very very narrow. I very easily could have gotten stuck and freaked out. The fact that it was dark made it that much more scary. But, despite the fact that I was with people I hardly knew, I decided to take a risk and trust. Emily (one of the girls we were with) had done the climb earlier that day. She led us up to the top where we all arrived safely and in one piece. At the peak, the view was awesome. We got to lay out on the rocks and see the stars, and the beautiful big moon. It was incredible.
I remember recognizing in that moment that I had come a long way. In the past I probably wouldn't have even gone on a trip like that. I would have felt uncomfortable being around people I didn't know and if I would have gone, I probably would have stuck to myself. However, on the trip, I noticed myself doing the opposite. I was eager to meet new people, to swap stories to get to know them and to let them come to know me. I was excited and happy and non-judgmental of the different places people came from. It was a great feeling to realize that I was capable of achieving such a great change.
This writing retreat gave me the same great reminder. That I am capable of putting myself out there and making connections rather than staying miserably shelled up.
It was indeed peaceful and cathartic.
Friday, May 20, 2011
summer reading list.
One of my favorite childhood pastimes was spending the majority of my summers spread out on the grass, curled up on the deck swing, or hidden away in the branches of my tree with a good book. There's just something about reading that speaks to me.
These days I do most of my reading snuggled up in my bed. Regardless, I have to say that I always look forward to summertime so I can catch up on all of the pleasure reading that I've missed out on during the school year. Here's what's in store for me during the upcoming months:
And for some more "therapeutic" books:
Whew. And those are only the books that I've bought over the last several months. There are many more on my future reading list to keep me busy next summer.
These days I do most of my reading snuggled up in my bed. Regardless, I have to say that I always look forward to summertime so I can catch up on all of the pleasure reading that I've missed out on during the school year. Here's what's in store for me during the upcoming months:
And for some more "therapeutic" books:
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
On therapy.
I met myself at work tonight. It was seriously frightening to me how much of myself I saw in this particular client:
the feelings of discomfort and inadequacy when trying something new and "foreign,"
the second guessing of the self,
the inability to see one's own strengths and worth,
the stress from dealing with other people's problems all day knowing that yours are quietly simmering the background,
the past sacrifice out of love,
the profound and painful loss,
the people pleasing and wanting to "fix" things for everybody,
the fear,
the need for the "one" easy answer from someone else,
the need to run, to escape.
It was uncanny, really. I only met with her for a half an hour, but I feel like I know everything about her. In a way, I feel like I am her.
As drained as I am right now from staying late twice already this week (and knowing that I am going to have worked over 50 hours by Saturday), I feel a small glimmer of relief, perhaps some kind of "catharsis," when reflecting on this short "emergency" session.
I think the discussion we had was therapeutic for both of us. Even though neither of us knew it, I was actually "therapizing" myself just as much as I was her. Sometimes I think God gives me moments like these on purpose to teach me lessons I will only learn by teaching other people.
Curse him for that.
Bless him for that.
Well. I think that's about enough self-disclosure for tonight. Phew. But don't worry. I'll be back for some more "blog therapy" soon.
Peace out.
the feelings of discomfort and inadequacy when trying something new and "foreign,"
the second guessing of the self,
the inability to see one's own strengths and worth,
the stress from dealing with other people's problems all day knowing that yours are quietly simmering the background,
the past sacrifice out of love,
the profound and painful loss,
the people pleasing and wanting to "fix" things for everybody,
the fear,
the need for the "one" easy answer from someone else,
the need to run, to escape.
It was uncanny, really. I only met with her for a half an hour, but I feel like I know everything about her. In a way, I feel like I am her.
As drained as I am right now from staying late twice already this week (and knowing that I am going to have worked over 50 hours by Saturday), I feel a small glimmer of relief, perhaps some kind of "catharsis," when reflecting on this short "emergency" session.
I think the discussion we had was therapeutic for both of us. Even though neither of us knew it, I was actually "therapizing" myself just as much as I was her. Sometimes I think God gives me moments like these on purpose to teach me lessons I will only learn by teaching other people.
Curse him for that.
Bless him for that.
Well. I think that's about enough self-disclosure for tonight. Phew. But don't worry. I'll be back for some more "blog therapy" soon.
Peace out.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
the scoop on savannah.
Things you might not know about me:
-I cry when I watch Extreme Home Makeover Home Edition.
-I absolutely hate cats.
-I'm secretly addicted to Jerseylicious and The Bad Girls Club.
-I don't want to have a big family, yet I want to adopt and love as many "broken" children from around the world as I can.
-I've always wanted to experience homelessness and living on the streets. I will some day jump on the back of a train and just ride it to wherever it takes me.
-Sometimes I wonder why I never developed an eating disorder.
-As much as I want to settle down and plant my roots, I worry that I will never be happy with what I have and my urge to "run away" will return.
-I once got pulled over for flipping off an undercover cop.
-I often wish I lived back in the time of hunter gatherer societies before everything became so complicated.
-I hate chocolate.
-One day I want to start my own "movement," "cause," or non-profit organization in my endeavor to change the world.
-I'm a pathological perfectionist.
-I feel most at home amongst "broken" people.
-I used to be obsessed with belts and had a sweet collection of them.
-I love filling out any kind of forms...applications, questionnaires, medical forms... etc.
-Some days I wonder if my constant feelings of inadequacy will lead to my demise.
-I'm obsessed with checking the mail.
-Sometimes I'd rather get lost in my relationship with characters in books than live in the "real world."
-I absolutely LOVE palm trees.
-Spongebob Squarepants is my homeboy.
-I'm a pack rat who is desperately trying to change her ways.
-I'm terrified of dying.
-The more I've learned about drugs, the more I want to use them.
-I often wonder if people are only as happy as they are pretending.
-I know more about cars than my husband.
-For some reason I feel the responsibility to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders.
-I cry when I watch Extreme Home Makeover Home Edition.
-I absolutely hate cats.
-I'm secretly addicted to Jerseylicious and The Bad Girls Club.
-I don't want to have a big family, yet I want to adopt and love as many "broken" children from around the world as I can.
-I've always wanted to experience homelessness and living on the streets. I will some day jump on the back of a train and just ride it to wherever it takes me.
-Sometimes I wonder why I never developed an eating disorder.
-As much as I want to settle down and plant my roots, I worry that I will never be happy with what I have and my urge to "run away" will return.
-I once got pulled over for flipping off an undercover cop.
-I often wish I lived back in the time of hunter gatherer societies before everything became so complicated.
-I hate chocolate.
-One day I want to start my own "movement," "cause," or non-profit organization in my endeavor to change the world.
-I'm a pathological perfectionist.
-I feel most at home amongst "broken" people.
-I used to be obsessed with belts and had a sweet collection of them.
-I love filling out any kind of forms...applications, questionnaires, medical forms... etc.
-Some days I wonder if my constant feelings of inadequacy will lead to my demise.
-I'm obsessed with checking the mail.
-Sometimes I'd rather get lost in my relationship with characters in books than live in the "real world."
-I absolutely LOVE palm trees.
-Spongebob Squarepants is my homeboy.
-I'm a pack rat who is desperately trying to change her ways.
-I'm terrified of dying.
-The more I've learned about drugs, the more I want to use them.
-I often wonder if people are only as happy as they are pretending.
-I know more about cars than my husband.
-For some reason I feel the responsibility to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Friday, April 22, 2011
Life according to my 8 year old self.
Keep the commandments. (My favorite: "don't kill people")
I think people would like me as the president.
I never was very good at reaching my goals...
I mean it was awesome.
BAHAHA
I go on to say that I hate just about everyone I know "with all the hate I have inside me." Yep, once a hater, always a hater, I guess.
I think people would like me as the president.
BAHAHA.
The baddist thing...
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