So, I think I have decided that this week is myspace week. I will be re-posting a mini blog each day from ones I wrote years ago on myspace so as not to lose them forever when I delete my page. Silly? Yes, but also kinda fun! Cheers to part 2 of 6 (which is one of my favorites!)
March 30, 2008
So, after attending multiple shows where I’ve been annoyed to death about the annoying kids standing around me as I’ve waited in line to get into the venue, I decided to come up with the rules I would have if I were to ever open up my own venue... They are as follows:
If you’re not old enough to legally hold a drivers license.... YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED IN!
If you wear girl pants and you are not a girl.... YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED IN!
If you arrive at the show with all of your little girlfriends and you all are primped and curled and
wearing slutty little mini skirts...YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED IN!
If you are wearing shorts over your pajama bottoms...YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED IN!
If you are wearing anything that has: Hollister, American Eagle, Abercrombie and Fitch, etc. written on it...YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED IN!
If you are wearing any kind of boots over your pants (especially ugg boots)...YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED IN!
If your parents have to drop you off at the show (aka "daddy dropoff")...YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED IN!
If you came to the show just to stand up against the wall and makeout with your girlfriend/boyfriend...YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED IN!
If you are sporting a shirt (or any other clothing) with the name of any of the bands playing at the show...YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED IN!
If you came to the show just because all of your friends are doing it and you want to look cool...YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED IN!
If you go home to curl your hair while your boyfriend waits in line...YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED IN!
If you are wearing short plaid shorts and short ugg boots...YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED IN!
If you are wearing ballet slippers (excuse me, "flats" i guess they are called)...YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED IN!
If your face is unnaturally orange becuase you fake and bake or slather yourself in self tanning cream...YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED IN!
If your pants are so small they can’t even fit over your butt, not only is it pointless to wear pants at all, but...YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED IN!
If your ears hang low and they wobble to and fro.... YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED IN!
If your mom and dad have to come pick you up and drag you home...YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED IN!
If you are a little preppy boy decked out in your white polo shirt, keds and navy blue shorts...YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED IN!
If you came to the show just because you thought anyone in the band is "Sooo hot you want to bone him/her"... YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED IN!
If you are wearing a cowboy hat...YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED IN!
If you are trying to climb up a brick wall while waiting in line to show off for the rest of your friends that are there, and you are being more obnoxiously than is almost humanly possible...YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED IN!
If you are wearing a belt that doesn’t even come near the loops in your pants that it was made to go through...YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED IN!
If you are wearing sweatbands or bandanas on your head, arms, legs, toes, nose, or anywhere else...YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED IN!
If you are a girl and you are dressed like you are asking for it...YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED IN!
If you are going to yell and scream like a freakin little girl groupie when the band walks on the stage to set up their instruments and do sound checks...YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED IN!
If your mom actually comes into the venue and has to push through the crowd saying "mommy coming through! and "sorry I’m not here for the show, I’m just looking for someone..."...YOU
ARE NOT ALLOWED IN!
If you are wearing any type of high heels (especially when you are sporting two lovely pigtails in your hair and a short and skanky goth skirt)...YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED IN!
If you are covered in gangly jewelry that would cause you to lose your head in a mosh pit because it gets pulled and yanked around and you have more accessories from head to foot than Marie Antoinette, not only do you need to know that you are NOT at a freakin fashion show, but...YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED IN!
If your hair is dyed darker than the locks you were born with and it is nowhere near natural for your head to look like that...YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED IN!
If you are or are dressed like an emo kid...YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED IN!
If you are going to stand behind me and say things like: "Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh! I like, totally know!" and "You look SO totally fab!"...YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED IN!
If you haven’t showered in the last week and you haven’t even put on deoderant to keep you from smelling even worse when you sweat from jumping around...YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED IN.
If I can smell your Tommy Hilfiger perfume from across the street before you even make it in the venue because you decided to bathe yourself in your preppiness....YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED IN!
If you are gonna hold up your camera phone during the whole show to try and video the band so you can show it off on your myspace page...YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED IN!
Ok, so I know that with rules like these, it eliminates half the people that go to shows anyway, but in my perfect world, this would be how it works! I dare you to challenge me. If you really feel the need to, I’d advise you to make sure not to stand next to me at a show or you might get a broken nose in the mosh pit.
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