Goodbye to the Gilmore Girls... again.

I have this horribly hard time saying goodbye to people. It's just not something I like to do. I grew up with Lorelai and Rory. I spent seven years of my life growing close to them, so when I watched the debut of the final episode of Gilmore Girls, I cried. Hard. And I haven't been able to fully let go. I proudly own all seven seasons on DVD and I watch them over and over to keep my love for these wonderful women alive. Weird? Maybe a little. But most people just don't understand a love like ours. It transcends any silly social norms. I have seen every episode like a thousand times (I've watched all seven seasons twice through just this summer!) but I always get stuck on the very last episode... I skip it every time and just start watching the seasons over again because I absolutely hate endings. Especially sad endings, which this one most definitely was. But today, I overcame my dread and finally finished that last episode again. I cried just as hard as I did the first time and I'm not ashamed to say it. So here is a tribute to a show whose final ending was worth crying over... These are some of my favorite quotes from the show that made me laugh and cry. 

"This is the last time I buy anything just because it's furry!"

"I don't leave messages. If I wanted to talk to a machine, I'd talk to my VCR."

"I'm smiling because you're crazy and that's what you do to crazy people to keep them calm."

"Mmm. Tasty. And flame retardant!"

"Are the lids tight on the paint remover, because you're sounding a little loopy to me."

"So, Beth, huh? I hate the name Beth. It's so...Beth."

"You're not gonna kill the bag boy." "Why not?" "Cuz it's double coupon day. You'll bring down the town."

"Oh, wow. It's expensive to slowly rot your insides, isn't it?"

"Stop saying 'mother' like that." "Like what?" "Like there's supposed to be another word after it."

"Wait, he kissed you again?! What, is he just out of prison or something??"

"There's no use for a lava lamp unless you're on drugs!"

"You know, it's like dogs and high pitched noises. I think it's only something you can smell."

"You traded my lovely gift for a semi-pornographic, leering monkey lamp? How could you!?"

"Our before Mary is about to become an after. Who else in town is knocked up?"

"I have to know where you are at all times, especially when you have my shoes on!"

"I must now sublimate all my impure thoughts by going into the kitchen and making an endless string of perfect casseroles."

"Look in somebody's sock drawer. Rich people have hilarious sock drawers."

"What are you doing?" "I'm admiring your pickles."

"Who uses the word 'hobo' anymore?"

"No, no. Not malls. I hate malls. They underpay employees and over price merchandise. They contribute to urban sprawl. They encourage materialism and the parking's a horror. You drive in, ya pay a buck, and even if you're only there for 5 minutes..."

"Look, I've made my peace with the fact that everyone who calls here is a notch above brain dead and that the pennies I am thrown each week are in exchange for me dealing with these people in a non-violent manner. And usually, that is fine, but today, I'm sorry lady. I have Ennui."

"I can't hang out or kick back. I need to find a retarded kid and teach him how to play softball!"

"Did you hear? I used existentialism in a sentence. I've always wanted to do that!"

"I have no patience for jam hands!"

"Gosh! You're like a pop-up book from hell!"

"That was an evil 'yes'." "Not an evil 'yes', it's a 'yes I'm pretty, but hello I'm smart!' kind of a 'yes'."

"What's she honking for? She hates honking. She calls it a mechanical bodily function."

"Oh look, they have cucumber slices in the water!" "Oh wow. Now if they have ranch dressing in the soap dispensers, this place is great!"

"You're a vicious trollop. You're a vicious trollop!"

"People don't realize it, but it takes years of training to be able to eat like we do."

"Hey, I know you! You're that long-haired freak that wanted to be town troubadour even though that weird, brown corduroy jacket wearing freak was already it." "That's right! Good memory!"

"Well FYI, Van Halen hair, I"m very busy."

"For every good woman, there's a dirty little wolf just ready to lead her astray. You can't help it. He's got the eyes, the chin, chest hair you could carpet your dining room with, I mean, what's a woman to do?? We're not made of steel for god-sakes!"

"I hope so, cuz I'm so damn lonely not even animal planet does it for me anymore."

"Now, after all that has happened, after all the chaos and havoc you have wreaked, you're seriously standing there wearing a t-shirt with a picture of a butt with hands that are flipping me off, telling me you want to come back?!"

"I just want you to remember three things while you're sitting up there. I love you. You're the greatest kid in the world, and...you're in a skirt. Keep your knees closed."

"Oh, sorry. My excitement must be clouding my ability to judge comedic hyperbole."

"Well. Here's hoping your cat exposes itself to you soon."

"I created you. It's biologically predetermined that I watch you."

"How do they like Orlando?" "Well it's all Mickey Mouse this, and Micky Mouse that, you know, they want to die!"

"Wait, what's that?! It's a bird. It's a plane. It's super Jackson and his atomic pea tendrils!"

"I don't watch that much television. I don't find forensic work as fascinating as the rest of the world."

(After singing the first line in A Mighty Fortress is our God) "Dude. What's a bulwark?" "What?" "It says, 'a bulwark never failing'." "I think it's a wall?" "Then why don't they just say that? Bulwark sounds totally gay." "I don't think you're supposed to call a hymn gay. It's like a sin or something." Whatever man! I'm not saying bulwark!"

"Make your point, bagel boy!"

"All those e-mails? I'm sorry, but you write less than the people offering to enlarge a piece of anatomy I do not possess!"

"You're not even using verbs. That's not a relationship. Relationships need verbs!"

"Oh look. It's Bilbo bologna-puss just in from the shire!"

"We've already tried it over there." "It's no problem." "No problem for you, but this is giving me cuticle damage! Do you know who long cuticle damage takes to heal?!"

"I'm not standing funny. This is how you stand in these pants."

"I mean, they were extremely common until recently. Historically, recently. Not recently, like 'metrosexual is a word now' recently, but recently." "Are we still talking about anvils?" "Yes! Where did all the anvils go?" "You're talking about those big, heavy, metal things?" "...That blacksmith hammered horse shoes and stuff on. Everyone had them. They were featured prominently in every movie western. So where did they all go?" "I don't know that they were that common." "Wiley Coyote used them. That's how common they were." "Who?" "The cartoon. He was always trying to drop an anvil on the Road Runner's head or shoot it at him out of a giant sling shot, or fire it at him out of a cannon. Inevitably, the cannon tilted up, shot it in the air, it fell down and made an anvil shaped impression on Wiley Coyote's head." "This is a cartoon?!" "Oh, no, this just happened to me the other day. I was just walking down the street at this giant anvil, yes mother, it's a cartoon." "I know she sounds crazy, but it's a very common cartoon." "But that doesn't prove that anvils were so common." "It does. It proves that anvils were so ubiquitous at one point, was that the word? ubiquitous?" "Depends on where you're going." "...That they knew that children would know what they were and delight in them. That's how common they were! Children watching cartoons!" "That was the word." "I've forgotten your point..." "Where are all the anvils? I mean is there some sort of secret anvil storage facility the government is keeping from us?" "Or they fell into disuse with the advent of other technologies and so they melted them down and they're gone." "But they're not supposed to melt! They were made to withstand the red, hot hammer of the town blacksmith." "This is easily the most pointless conversation we've ever had."

"Her car looks just like Barbie's!"

"Kirk, I just had a spat with my sour ball distributor and I'm not in the mood."

"I find your hair very believable!"

"I don't call that a may pole, I call that a maybe NOT pole!"

"Hey, I should bring steak sauce, right?" "For what?" "Pizza." "I just got back from Italy." "So?" "So, they'd shoot you in Italy for that." "Uh, but this is America. Where we unapologetically bastardize other country's cultures in a gross quest for moral and military supremacy." "Oh, I forgot. Bring on the imperialistic condiments."

"See, he called me hot plates. He SO likes me!"

"No, Rory. This great man was not brought down by my vagina, OK?"

"I'm late for class and you put a printing press on my book bag?!" "Well sorry! It's from my dead boyfriend OK? I apologize if my grief is inconveniencing you!"

"Wow. Sleeping with you is getting me nothing."

"But Mrs. Kim says fries are the devil's starchy fingers..."

"Ramadan is about a lot more than just not eating. It calls for a total abstinence from food particles passing through a mouth or nose. Your Bazooka's passing through my nose!"

"Children should shoot us for what we make them do."

"Special? Like stop eating the paste, special?!"

"Wheat chex is sort of the pumpernickel bread of the cereal world."

"You're feeling particularly sassy today." "I know! It must be my new glasses prescription!"

"How does she do that? Compartmentalize like that? It's weird. She's the serial killer who goes to work and talks about a funny Seinfeld he saw and then goes home and cooks himself a man flesh sandwich."

"Well, I suppose sometime when I'm not working or out of town, if my boyfriend's busy and my laundry's done, and I'm not sick and there's nothing on TV, we could maybe meet up for a couple of minutes."

"Cropogs? Did someone say cropogs?"

"Rory, the penal system is not something we enjoy. It's something with a name that makes us giggle."

"Oh great. Now I'm not even the town whore!"

"What are the odds of me finding a cake topper with exactly your butt?!"

"Who are you fooling? You're wearing tube socks."

"That's because I'm not orthodox. I'm liberal with a touch of reform and a smidgen of zipidee pow!"

"Yeah, man. You're way deep in my bogus bag, and it's zip locked shut."

"You can't come alone. An unmarried woman of a certain age, unescorted, wearing the clothes you tend to wear. People will think things, bad things." "Like what?" "Like you're a tramp and possibly for sale."

"Yeah, that's me. I'm fast. I'm the perfect storm of caffeine and genetics!"

"You are such a pity laugher."

"I guess the combination of salt water and sea weed and discount Mexican condoms and terrible, terrible sex leads to a baby." "A baby...." "A baby. Sex sucks so bad. Sex sucks worse than I thought." "You only did it one time! And wow, a baby!" "That's what you get folks, for making woopie!"

"I don't think we're having a communal massive heart attack."

"Yes, but it looks ridiculous. Like glorified ping pong. If I wanted to play ping pong I would... Well, if I wanted to play ping pong, I would kill myself!"

"Let's say your kid falls out of a tree and like majorly gashes his head. Do you run to him right away or just let him kinda shake it off? I mean, I don't want to be a  wussy dad."

"I'm gonna go. Logan and I have this romantic afternoon planned." "Oh, really?" "We're spackling." "Oh, well, uh, spackle well, or whatever one says to encourage a successful spackle." "Have a good spackle?" "Spakle on." "Break a spackle?" "Knock on spackle, things work out."